wordslacedwithgold™

” I think everything happens for a reason, God did that to you .. to humble you “ 

RED is all I saw as I imagined watching her die by bare hands. The feeling of betrayal because somehow the conclusion of flawed events was maybe you deserved to see what white light and a flat line feels like. I couldn’t recall the chronological order of the events that brought me here and I was mad with the world. More upset at the planets for still revolving, the flowers still growing while I felt numb. My trust had crumbled into dust, I escaped death but not the feeling of being buried till my lifeless body turns cold. I cried in confusion on bended knees asking “God, what did I do wrong?” .. I sat in my head for months which turned into years.  

Waking up to the same name and body that betrayed me against how I thought I should feel and act. Manic behavior pushing loved ones I didn’t care to fight for if they felt pressure to stay. Music refused to bless my ears like it once did, writing didn’t cure the pain away, nothing was the same. I was a dead being just walking through the motions. I still haven’t come to a valid answer for a million questions still puzzling through my membrane. 

“Tiff I’m so proud of you!“ 

Proud of what exactly?, proud of me still waking up through the ignorance, arrogance or just simply proud I still smile through it all. You die, and people remember your name. Almost doesn’t count the same, just brings you temporary validated love that turns to façade. 

I just wish I could let the world know, the Devil aggravates the humbled ones and that’s how the good end up dying young. I hate the word ” S O R R Y”, it does not bring back people, time, it’s an excuse to make the individual issuing the apology feel a little better of the actions that took place. 

I'm not sorry.  I'm not ready for the vivid details but I know my love for people prevails.

IG : @wordslacedwithgold